Yesterday in one of my classes, there was a group presentation on feminist criticism. Loved it. They gave an amazing example of it with an exegesis of the story of Esther, turning it inside out with the exploration of who really had the power in the story and who got the credit for it. Amazing.
I suppose that I'm a feminist in some ways...as a woman entering ministry, I have to be to some degree! I can't say that I identify with the extremism out there, or that I fully know enough about feminism to completely label myself as one. Just put that on the list of things to figure out...
But the presentation brought back a memory from last semester (which for me, was undergrad). In my previous life, I was an English major, and by the end I was hooked. The novels...the analysis...even the papers...challenges that I loved. In one particular class, which I took solely because I loved the professor and Flannery O'Connor was on the syllabus, I think I got my first taste of feminist criticism.
The book was Bailey's Cafe by Gloria Naylor. Beautiful writing - I recommend her books! I was following the story fine; a woman, Eve, was running a home of sorts for women, with a huge garden in the back. Each chapter told the story of each of the women: Eve, who was kicked out of the house by Godfather. Mary, a beautiful girl turned into a prostitute by her own father. Esther, who was forced into a marriage by her brother so he could prosper. Jessie Bell, who married into a family that took over her life, especially Uncle Eli, who took her son from her. Miriam (called Mary), who is found pregnant despite her claims to still be a virgin. Saddening and heart-wrenching stories of women who have been abused and violated in various ways. Parts of it nearly brought me to tears.
Then in class, my professor asked what we thought of the names of the characters. At that moment, my world was turned upside down. I hadn't made the connection that they were all connected to the Bible, and then how similar their stories were to those in the Bible. It was one of those moments of enlightenment; I still remember it clearly! Suddenly, the Bible had a new twist on it. I started to see the other side of these stories which I had heard for years, encountering the "what ifs" and uncomfortable details that no one voiced.
I don't claim at all that the book is factual. It is a work of fiction. But we don't know the full story behind what's in the Bible, what those stories meant for the women in them. And it was this book that opened my eyes to that criticism, to the world of heartbreak and pain that lies beyond the words on the page, to a new level of androcentrism that has been used to suppress women for hundreds (thousands?) of years.
My journey into feminist criticism is still continuing, but my next step will be to re-read this book. And I recommend it for any of you out there who are looking for a provocative work of fiction. I love the fact that God uses so many avenues to teach me new things...
And I should probably email that professor to thank him.
30 November 2007
27 November 2007
Praise...Her?
I recently wrote a paper for my Ministerial Identity class, where we had to write at 2-3 page theological reflection. I got really involved in my topic of gender-neutral language for God (I could have written at least 5 pages), and thought I would put it out there for the blog world. Read on...and feel free to comment with your own perspective!
Praise...Her?
A recent conversation I had with a friend started my thinking about the use of gender-inclusive terms for God. Though I personally believe that God is above sexual distinction and more complex than we can fully comprehend, how does one approach such a topic within a worship service? The Christian tradition is full of hymns loaded with masculine pronouns referring to God, not to mention scripture verses with masculine terminology and attributes. However, the introduction of gender-inclusive Bibles and hymnals is causing a stir within some congregations. For this paper, I will briefly reflect upon the use of gendered terms for God and what their use can mean theologically for the church today.
The issue with viewing God solely as masculine arises out of cultural changes. In a tradition that has been dominated by patriarchy and androcentric language, women have been oppressed and left out of many aspects of the Christian community. However, recent movements through feminist and liberation theology have worked to restore dignity and power to women, placing them back into the leadership roles they deserve. A final part of that restoration is the recognition of the feminine within God, proof that women, too, are created in the image of God (Genesis
The writings and translations within the Christian faith arise out of a patriarchal tradition, where quite possibly the “superiority” of males was reinforced through the use of continual masculine word choices. A look back to the original Hebrew and Greek shows that the masculine pronouns were used, but did not hold the same connotation of sexual identity that they hold today. In addition, several metaphors connect God with feminine images (Deuteronomy 32:18, Isaiah 46:3, Luke
I personally was first introduced to the concept of using gender-inclusive language while working for PASSPORT. This organization is very intentional about using gender-inclusive language for God at all times, especially within worship services. Though I cannot say that I have felt oppressed by growing up surrounded by male descriptions of God, the concepts of “romantic love” for God have always made me a bit uneasy. Combined with a distant relationship with my own father and problems with trusting men, however, I can see how a gendered view of God has created issues within my personal faith relationship.
What, then, should be done regarding gender-neutral Bibles and hymnals? I, for one, think it is good to raise children up in a tradition where men and women are equally respected, and have a special sensitivity towards those who struggle with gender definitions of God due to their past experiences. However, I don’t want to completely break from the rich tradition, especially the music that has been passed down. How does one rewrite “Of the Father’s Love Begotten” using gender-neutral terms for God? And if we also start to remove other descriptors with gendered-connotations, do we not lose an aspect of what that term says about God’s relationship with us? Though I believe God is above gender, I also acknowledge the insufficiency of language and the human mind to fully express and grasp the fullness of God. Therefore, I feel the topic of gender-inclusive terminology for God is one that each individual and congregation needs to embrace on their own, not to break away from a tradition but rather to dive into a richer understanding of who God is.
22 November 2007
Turkey and chainsaws?
I am currently vegging out and recovering after the family Thanksgiving get-together...nope, not from overeating! My family does things a bit differently; instead of getting dressed up and sitting nicely around the table, we throw on our grubby clothes and go do home repair projects at a family member's house, working up an appetite for that big dinner. This year, we were at my cousin's house, where we cleared brush, split logs, and did some painting. It's a pretty cool tradition, actually, helping each other and doing hard work together; guess it's that Southern/agricultural background. The family has it's share of issues, but they're not afraid of manual labor and are always there to lend a helping hand, and I'm proud of that.
But what made today even better...I got to drive the four-wheeler around, transporting brush and logs and loving every minute of it. Yup, city girl's got a little bit of country in her, even if she has difficulty going in reverse with the trailer attached. I tried not to grin too much while I drove it around, but I loved it. It may be a gas-guzzling, environment destroying machine, but it's so much fun to drive! My mom took pictures, and I'm hoping they turn out good...I don't get to do that often!
I will definitely sleep soundly tonight...hopefully I won't be too sore tomorrow to take advantage of free day at the Y :o)
Happy Thanksgiving to all; hope your day was just as enjoyable!
But what made today even better...I got to drive the four-wheeler around, transporting brush and logs and loving every minute of it. Yup, city girl's got a little bit of country in her, even if she has difficulty going in reverse with the trailer attached. I tried not to grin too much while I drove it around, but I loved it. It may be a gas-guzzling, environment destroying machine, but it's so much fun to drive! My mom took pictures, and I'm hoping they turn out good...I don't get to do that often!
I will definitely sleep soundly tonight...hopefully I won't be too sore tomorrow to take advantage of free day at the Y :o)
Happy Thanksgiving to all; hope your day was just as enjoyable!
18 November 2007
children, children, children
Today in children's church, one of our first graders raised her hand and said "My cat is in heat." This was right after a discussion of the Prodigal Son, and I still don't know how the two became connected in her mind. I tried not to laugh and failed miserably....
One of the struggles within my job right now is figuring out how to work with these kids. They're all sweet kids, but having K-5 all together in children's church is a struggle. The older ones are very perceptive and able to have some great conversations, but the kindergarteners are in a world of their own and can barely sit still. Some of the kids can barely listen to instructions, and are full of energy. There's nothing wrong with energy, but how do you get them to effectively channel that energy into whatever activity they're doing? Then there's the boy who loves to just leave the room, or the moody girl who will start pouting for various reasons and refuse to participate, or the ones that will blatantly disobey you.
One thing I hope to implement soon is narrowing the age group to K-2 or K-3. Older children should be able to be in the full service, reinforcing for both themselves and the congregation that they are an important part of the church and should participate as such.
As it stands now...we all leave halfway through the service. We typically start with a mini-service all together, where we sing a song or two, a few help read scripture, and a very SHORT discussion about the story. Then we split them up for activities, which has been a huge help. I usually take on the younger ones, trying to keep them active while reinforcing the idea of whatever the story is. This splitting has helped SO MUCH in being able to engage the kids where they are.
But, the new struggle has been extra manpower. Ideally, you want two people with each group. Currently, we have the children's minister, his wife, myself, and another girl who won't be as available after the first of the year. Yup, the same people every week. Which is good for building relationships with the kids and having them develop respect for you. But it's also frustrating at times, and can hold potential for burnout. We tried to recruit some help from the congregation to try and organize a rotation, and got no response. Since my home church has a huge children's ministry with a lot of lay help, this lack of help is kinda new for me, something I'm adjusting to and figuring out how to work with.
There's also a serious lack of quality material out there for these kids, resulting in us writing our own thing for every week. This program is not babysitting; we're trying to minister to and teach these kids! But so much of the curriculum out there just doesn't work well for us. We like to line things up with whatever the theme of the service is, to make a fluid transition and (hopefully) encourage them to pay more attention in "big church." But, this also limits how much help we can get, since we're making up our own curriculum week by week and can't just hand a book to people. We're slowly developing a good system for this, so we have more consistent expectations for the kids and they have a better sense of what it's about and what the boundaries are. Our children's ministry is gaining momentum, and I'm just hoping that we'll be able to keep up with it.
One of the struggles within my job right now is figuring out how to work with these kids. They're all sweet kids, but having K-5 all together in children's church is a struggle. The older ones are very perceptive and able to have some great conversations, but the kindergarteners are in a world of their own and can barely sit still. Some of the kids can barely listen to instructions, and are full of energy. There's nothing wrong with energy, but how do you get them to effectively channel that energy into whatever activity they're doing? Then there's the boy who loves to just leave the room, or the moody girl who will start pouting for various reasons and refuse to participate, or the ones that will blatantly disobey you.
One thing I hope to implement soon is narrowing the age group to K-2 or K-3. Older children should be able to be in the full service, reinforcing for both themselves and the congregation that they are an important part of the church and should participate as such.
As it stands now...we all leave halfway through the service. We typically start with a mini-service all together, where we sing a song or two, a few help read scripture, and a very SHORT discussion about the story. Then we split them up for activities, which has been a huge help. I usually take on the younger ones, trying to keep them active while reinforcing the idea of whatever the story is. This splitting has helped SO MUCH in being able to engage the kids where they are.
But, the new struggle has been extra manpower. Ideally, you want two people with each group. Currently, we have the children's minister, his wife, myself, and another girl who won't be as available after the first of the year. Yup, the same people every week. Which is good for building relationships with the kids and having them develop respect for you. But it's also frustrating at times, and can hold potential for burnout. We tried to recruit some help from the congregation to try and organize a rotation, and got no response. Since my home church has a huge children's ministry with a lot of lay help, this lack of help is kinda new for me, something I'm adjusting to and figuring out how to work with.
There's also a serious lack of quality material out there for these kids, resulting in us writing our own thing for every week. This program is not babysitting; we're trying to minister to and teach these kids! But so much of the curriculum out there just doesn't work well for us. We like to line things up with whatever the theme of the service is, to make a fluid transition and (hopefully) encourage them to pay more attention in "big church." But, this also limits how much help we can get, since we're making up our own curriculum week by week and can't just hand a book to people. We're slowly developing a good system for this, so we have more consistent expectations for the kids and they have a better sense of what it's about and what the boundaries are. Our children's ministry is gaining momentum, and I'm just hoping that we'll be able to keep up with it.
12 November 2007
grades
There's been something about some of the people in my classes that has seemed strange to me, and I think I finally realized what it is.
A strong attention to grades.
Not that it's wrong to want to do well or succeed. But I turned down admission to a certain school in Williamsburg because I didn't want all that pressure, and chose instead to attend a smaller liberal arts school with a good reputation without that pressure. My undergraduate education was challenging, and I learned a lot. Professors pushed me, especially in my English classes. But rarely, rarely did we students talk about grades. What we each got was our own thing; in the classroom, it was about mastering the material. And no one ever complained in class about an assignment or paid so much attention to what the professor exactly wanted. Yeah, people would sometimes grumble outside the room, but if you had an issue with the way a prof graded something, you took it to him/her individually, on your own time. And even then, it wasn't fighting to get a higher grade, but merely gaining a better understanding of why you received that grade and what you can do to improve the next time. Or, it was to address a genuine concern that you had, one that was well thought-out. A sign of respect for and trust in the professor.
I realize now that not all people are like that.
I guess I get frustrated sometimes when people keep asking, "so when you do this on the test, you'll say [insert phrase here]" or verbally complain to a professor in class about something or constantly refer to their syllabi to figure out what the percentages are for assignments. I'm all about being open in class and having a good relationship with a professor so you can go to them with concerns. But a sense of respect for the situation and the professor needs to go with that. And the attention to grades? I don't go for the A; I go for the mastery of the material. Yeah, that might sound the same, but in my mind it's a big difference. Then it's not about me pushing for a certain grade, but a desire to understand what I'm learning and figure out how to apply it, which may or may not result in an A based upon the professor's expectations. That doesn't mean I take my education any less seriously; in fact, I may even take it more seriously, as I realize it's about more than letters at the top of a page...
Maybe I'm just a geek who just enjoys learning, with or without grades.
A strong attention to grades.
Not that it's wrong to want to do well or succeed. But I turned down admission to a certain school in Williamsburg because I didn't want all that pressure, and chose instead to attend a smaller liberal arts school with a good reputation without that pressure. My undergraduate education was challenging, and I learned a lot. Professors pushed me, especially in my English classes. But rarely, rarely did we students talk about grades. What we each got was our own thing; in the classroom, it was about mastering the material. And no one ever complained in class about an assignment or paid so much attention to what the professor exactly wanted. Yeah, people would sometimes grumble outside the room, but if you had an issue with the way a prof graded something, you took it to him/her individually, on your own time. And even then, it wasn't fighting to get a higher grade, but merely gaining a better understanding of why you received that grade and what you can do to improve the next time. Or, it was to address a genuine concern that you had, one that was well thought-out. A sign of respect for and trust in the professor.
I realize now that not all people are like that.
I guess I get frustrated sometimes when people keep asking, "so when you do this on the test, you'll say [insert phrase here]" or verbally complain to a professor in class about something or constantly refer to their syllabi to figure out what the percentages are for assignments. I'm all about being open in class and having a good relationship with a professor so you can go to them with concerns. But a sense of respect for the situation and the professor needs to go with that. And the attention to grades? I don't go for the A; I go for the mastery of the material. Yeah, that might sound the same, but in my mind it's a big difference. Then it's not about me pushing for a certain grade, but a desire to understand what I'm learning and figure out how to apply it, which may or may not result in an A based upon the professor's expectations. That doesn't mean I take my education any less seriously; in fact, I may even take it more seriously, as I realize it's about more than letters at the top of a page...
Maybe I'm just a geek who just enjoys learning, with or without grades.
07 November 2007
hello CBF
Tonight, the church where I am employed voted to affiliate officially with the CBF. Not sever ties with the SBC, just add CBF to the list of affiliates. It was nerve wracking to say the least. As a woman looking to go into the ministry (most likely with ordination as a part of that process), this was an important decision for me personally. From here on out, I cannot be a part of a church that will not support me in following wherever God may lead, which basically means within the Baptist tradition, it has to be CBF. If the church had voted this down...I would have been extremely uncomfortable remaining there.
Really, it was a loud minority that was against it. And there was a degree of unprofessionalism in their efforts to stop the change from passing. I stood outside the doorway, listening to all the comments and questions being made, partially because I did not trust my facial expressions to hide my true feelings, but also because I am not an official member and cannot vote. As they called for the vote, I stood there, whispering, "Dear Jesus, please let it pass" and gripping the edge of the door for support. It was close, but it passed.
I'm still coming off of the adrenaline rush. I should be elated at the fact that this passed, but the mixture of so many emotions following that meeting have drained me a bit. I tried really hard not to take it all personally, because I know it's not about me...but as a woman, it still is personal on some level. I've been fortunate to grow up in a household and family that respected and encouraged God's call in my own life (thanks to my ordained aunt), and I guess this was my first real encounter with steadfast opposition to women in ministry. Yes, I've met individuals who have disagreed with it before, but when it comes to a church vote, it's a much more powerful thing. But again, this was a loud minority. The majority of this church does support me and other women, and the constitution now shows that in black and white, with the addition of three words. And now that they have done this, it will be much harder to turn back.
An historic moment in the life of this church...may they continue to move forward.
Really, it was a loud minority that was against it. And there was a degree of unprofessionalism in their efforts to stop the change from passing. I stood outside the doorway, listening to all the comments and questions being made, partially because I did not trust my facial expressions to hide my true feelings, but also because I am not an official member and cannot vote. As they called for the vote, I stood there, whispering, "Dear Jesus, please let it pass" and gripping the edge of the door for support. It was close, but it passed.
I'm still coming off of the adrenaline rush. I should be elated at the fact that this passed, but the mixture of so many emotions following that meeting have drained me a bit. I tried really hard not to take it all personally, because I know it's not about me...but as a woman, it still is personal on some level. I've been fortunate to grow up in a household and family that respected and encouraged God's call in my own life (thanks to my ordained aunt), and I guess this was my first real encounter with steadfast opposition to women in ministry. Yes, I've met individuals who have disagreed with it before, but when it comes to a church vote, it's a much more powerful thing. But again, this was a loud minority. The majority of this church does support me and other women, and the constitution now shows that in black and white, with the addition of three words. And now that they have done this, it will be much harder to turn back.
An historic moment in the life of this church...may they continue to move forward.
03 November 2007
coffee shop thoughts
So here I sit, in my favorite college coffee shop which now has free wireless. Had this happened when I was still in undergrad...I would have gone broke. Haha!
It's been a good visit up here with people...reconnecting, catching up, etc. Some good conversations...but difficult ones as well.
Last night, I went to Friday night fellowship with a group that I really got close to while in undergrad. A true community that got me through so much. And it was there that I was able to be honest about the fact that I'm struggling. But they also had some tough love for me - warnings about what to do/not to do. Because seminary is hard on all levels, and several of them have been there and done that. And this life that I've been called to, whatever it might be, will be hard. And it's so important to have a community that can support me though this...but I just haven't found one in seminary yet. Honestly, I'm still kinda reeling from the advice that was given to me...
But I did have a moment of enlightenment. In South Africa, my life was completely integrated. Work, community, faith were all intertwined...that's what happens when you live on the church grounds! But that's also the way the culture is; it takes on a much more holistic perspective, like many other places abroad. And I think that's the way things were meant to be. Not in America. We compartmentalize and divide things, many times for our own protection. So one of the reasons I've been struggling so much is that I've been yearning for that integrated life, but haven't found it, because it doesn't exist here. It can't exist here. I can't wrap up my faith life in my church job, because I won't be there forever, or (God forbid) they might burn me. I can't rely on institutions to be my community, though I might be able to find community in the midst of them.
So where the hell do I find that community?
I hate feeling like I need to protect myself, to not allow myself to get too attached. I feel detached already, and I'm tired of feeling that way. Ministry is a difficult thing - your job and your personal faith are so intertwined, and it's so interpersonal, but you still have to maintain your distance. And the job doesn't stop when you go home.
And I'm going to spend the rest of my life like this?
It's been a good visit up here with people...reconnecting, catching up, etc. Some good conversations...but difficult ones as well.
Last night, I went to Friday night fellowship with a group that I really got close to while in undergrad. A true community that got me through so much. And it was there that I was able to be honest about the fact that I'm struggling. But they also had some tough love for me - warnings about what to do/not to do. Because seminary is hard on all levels, and several of them have been there and done that. And this life that I've been called to, whatever it might be, will be hard. And it's so important to have a community that can support me though this...but I just haven't found one in seminary yet. Honestly, I'm still kinda reeling from the advice that was given to me...
But I did have a moment of enlightenment. In South Africa, my life was completely integrated. Work, community, faith were all intertwined...that's what happens when you live on the church grounds! But that's also the way the culture is; it takes on a much more holistic perspective, like many other places abroad. And I think that's the way things were meant to be. Not in America. We compartmentalize and divide things, many times for our own protection. So one of the reasons I've been struggling so much is that I've been yearning for that integrated life, but haven't found it, because it doesn't exist here. It can't exist here. I can't wrap up my faith life in my church job, because I won't be there forever, or (God forbid) they might burn me. I can't rely on institutions to be my community, though I might be able to find community in the midst of them.
So where the hell do I find that community?
I hate feeling like I need to protect myself, to not allow myself to get too attached. I feel detached already, and I'm tired of feeling that way. Ministry is a difficult thing - your job and your personal faith are so intertwined, and it's so interpersonal, but you still have to maintain your distance. And the job doesn't stop when you go home.
And I'm going to spend the rest of my life like this?
01 November 2007
hello sleep deprivation
This week has been INSANE. Crazy busy with school work, work work (hello fall festival)...means little sleep and lots of stress! And it's typically during those weeks where God likes to turn my life upside down...
Example numero uno: J-term. (and my apologies - I feel like writing in short sentences and third person for some odd reason...I think it's the 4 hours of sleep I got last night)
Erin tries out for play. Erin gets email from professor with entire cast list, excluding her name. Erin thus assumes she is not in the play, and registers for another class and plans to go to the New Baptist Covenant in Atlanta, which would have conflicted with opening week of play. Professor stops Erin in the hallway today and says he accidentally left her off the list and he really wants her in the play. Erin is now confused and gives herself 24 hours to think and make a decision. Be in a musical (one of her dreams) or attend a potentially historic event in Baptist life? Oy.
Example numero dos: ...lets just say I'm having difficulty figuring out what I should do for the summer, and it might involve a certain camp that I love...
It's times like these when I really wish I had a burning bush, complete with God telling me exactly what to do. Alas, I must make a decision for myself. Accompanied by lots of prayer, conversations with others, journaling, and chocolate.
But seriously, when you're in a situation choosing between good and good, how do you know what to do? I see God in both choices, and am pretty sure I would be happy either way. But I don't trust my mind, my desires. Perhaps I need to trust more in the God who gave me this mind and these desires, trust that he/she will guide me and give me peace in whatever decision I make. Somewhere in my past, I became afraid of making the wrong decision and drastically veering off of "God's path" with one choice that I make, like I can never go back. The more experiences I have, though, the more I can see how that line of thinking is flawed. Yeah, bad choices do happen sometimes, but the important part is to keep trying, to keep seeking, to find God in whatever path you choose. Too bad I can't always convince myself of that...
Anyone got any chocolate?
Example numero uno: J-term. (and my apologies - I feel like writing in short sentences and third person for some odd reason...I think it's the 4 hours of sleep I got last night)
Erin tries out for play. Erin gets email from professor with entire cast list, excluding her name. Erin thus assumes she is not in the play, and registers for another class and plans to go to the New Baptist Covenant in Atlanta, which would have conflicted with opening week of play. Professor stops Erin in the hallway today and says he accidentally left her off the list and he really wants her in the play. Erin is now confused and gives herself 24 hours to think and make a decision. Be in a musical (one of her dreams) or attend a potentially historic event in Baptist life? Oy.
Example numero dos: ...lets just say I'm having difficulty figuring out what I should do for the summer, and it might involve a certain camp that I love...
It's times like these when I really wish I had a burning bush, complete with God telling me exactly what to do. Alas, I must make a decision for myself. Accompanied by lots of prayer, conversations with others, journaling, and chocolate.
But seriously, when you're in a situation choosing between good and good, how do you know what to do? I see God in both choices, and am pretty sure I would be happy either way. But I don't trust my mind, my desires. Perhaps I need to trust more in the God who gave me this mind and these desires, trust that he/she will guide me and give me peace in whatever decision I make. Somewhere in my past, I became afraid of making the wrong decision and drastically veering off of "God's path" with one choice that I make, like I can never go back. The more experiences I have, though, the more I can see how that line of thinking is flawed. Yeah, bad choices do happen sometimes, but the important part is to keep trying, to keep seeking, to find God in whatever path you choose. Too bad I can't always convince myself of that...
Anyone got any chocolate?
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