Christmas was good this year, albeit a little different. Now that I don't live with my parents, I had to pack up my stuff and go see them (the first time ever I've traveled somewhere else to celebrate on Christmas day). And I think we all had fun together.
But at the same time, it was a struggle for me. I've been back in the States since August, but I'm still finding out ways that my perspective has changed. And I've realized I'm not really into Christmas gifts. Some people love to shop for them, will look high and low and search for that perfect thing. Not me. I'll still buy presents for a few people, but I don't like to contribute to the cycle of "more more more." Yup, I can't stand the consumerism that has taken over Christmas. And my Christmas list? A few things that I wanted, but nothing huge. Gifts just aren't how I show love, or how I expect love. And I'm really not into wrapping gifts...I'm going to look for more environmentally-friendly ways to do that next year.
I sound like a hippie. I should look at it more as expressions of love...but right now, that's tough to comprehend.
It's hard when I realize that I have so much stuff, in comparison to most of the world. Yet here, I'm a "starving seminary student." I have what I need, more than I need. And that's enough. But at the same time...I want more stuff. Not big things, but maybe a new sweater or two, or a new pair of shoes. Then I feel guilty about wanting the new stuff, but it's not enough to take the wanting away, leaving me still feeling guilty. Living among poverty for two months can cause a complex.
And tomorrow I will be headed to El Salvador for one week. Who knows what that will do to my perspective...it's good changes, but it's a struggle to translate it into the world that I live in with its set expectations...
26 December 2007
24 December 2007
a little wisdom from the funny pages
Given that I'll be on a plane to El Salvador in a few days, this comic caught my eye and I thought it offered some good thoughts...a bit sobering, but good things to think about...
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night :o)
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night :o)
21 December 2007
"are you tithing?"
I had an interesting conversation with my father about tithing today. My bank statements still come to the house, and he said he was concerned because he hadn't seen any good-size checks written on a regular basis and wanted to make sure that I was tithing because it's important.
My father, the man who doesn't go to church, lecturing me about tithing. It was a bit surreal.
In all honesty, I was planning on writing that check to cover the past few months on Sunday before this conversation happened. This is the first time in a while that I've had a regular income, and though it's earmarked in my budget as money not to spend, I haven't done it yet because...
...I'm never in service for the offertory (lame excuse, I know, but its true)...
...confusion about where to tithe (the church where I'm still a member or the church where I work? I need to suck it up and join, but that's another blog entry right there)...
...questioning whether it's better to tithe to a church or some other organization...
...wondering if 10% is actually the way to go, and if my motivation is right...
...and just plain forgetting.
I'm not saying that my delay has been a good thing. I've allowed pure laziness/busyness to keep me from figuring out what to do. Because my budget is tight, for now I'll stick with the 10% guideline. I still want to look more closely into giving texts in the Bible, to get a deeper understanding of where the tradition of 10% came from, to really know why I'm giving that amount. (I'm not trying to cheat the church out of any money; I just like having the background of why we do things the way we do them!) And yes, somehow I will get that money into the plate on Sunday to make up for *ahem* several months.
It's just the irony of my father, the non-churchgoer, bringing up the subject and making sure that I am actually giving financially to the church. That's possibly the closest discussion to anything spiritual that we've had. Sure, it centers around money, but it's still a more personal topic. Perhaps because it's the main way that he gives to the church?
But if anyone has any insight into the practice of tithing, feel free to send any resources my way :o)
My father, the man who doesn't go to church, lecturing me about tithing. It was a bit surreal.
In all honesty, I was planning on writing that check to cover the past few months on Sunday before this conversation happened. This is the first time in a while that I've had a regular income, and though it's earmarked in my budget as money not to spend, I haven't done it yet because...
...I'm never in service for the offertory (lame excuse, I know, but its true)...
...confusion about where to tithe (the church where I'm still a member or the church where I work? I need to suck it up and join, but that's another blog entry right there)...
...questioning whether it's better to tithe to a church or some other organization...
...wondering if 10% is actually the way to go, and if my motivation is right...
...and just plain forgetting.
I'm not saying that my delay has been a good thing. I've allowed pure laziness/busyness to keep me from figuring out what to do. Because my budget is tight, for now I'll stick with the 10% guideline. I still want to look more closely into giving texts in the Bible, to get a deeper understanding of where the tradition of 10% came from, to really know why I'm giving that amount. (I'm not trying to cheat the church out of any money; I just like having the background of why we do things the way we do them!) And yes, somehow I will get that money into the plate on Sunday to make up for *ahem* several months.
It's just the irony of my father, the non-churchgoer, bringing up the subject and making sure that I am actually giving financially to the church. That's possibly the closest discussion to anything spiritual that we've had. Sure, it centers around money, but it's still a more personal topic. Perhaps because it's the main way that he gives to the church?
But if anyone has any insight into the practice of tithing, feel free to send any resources my way :o)
20 December 2007
bring back the choirs
I'm not much of a reality TV person...sure, I'll watch shows socially with friends, but no reality show out there makes me drop everything and turn on the shiny box sitting in the living room.
But this week, I got hooked. On Clash of the Choirs. Yes, it's true. As a self-proclaimed chorus nerd (hello middle and high school), I have been sucked into this show.
But this is different from other shows. There's no malice or backstabbing or rudeness. Just five groups of people coming together to sing their hearts out and try to win charity money for their city. Each group has their own style, their own personality, and it's great to watch them just have fun on stage. I can feel the energy through the screen; I can't even imagine what it's like live! (For the record, my favorite group is Team Lachey - "Flight of the Bumblebee" knocked me out of my chair.)
And I admit that I've been touched by some of the personal stories that have been shared. Those who have been through tough times, who have been helped through the healing process through music. They've cried...and I confess that I've teared up with them on a few occasions. I just teared up again during Team Rowland's "Survivor."
Singing in a choir like that is a unique experience that nothing else can touch. A group of people working together, practicing together, committed to one thing: singing their best. There's something powerful and moving about voices joining together and creating a sound that no one person can create alone. In choir, we strove to blend, listening to everyone else and matching to where you couldn't distinguish an individual voice. And when you have that moment, when there's nothing else but you and the music and you can feel the rest of the group without even looking...wow. Not much comes close to that feeling.
We live in a world of too many soloists. Individuals trying to promote themselves, push above others, have their single voice be heard, no matter what the cost to others. It's in politics, business, church, essentially every aspect of life. And while soloists can add something special, we've taken it too far. Bring back the choirs. The rich altos with the deep basses, the strong tenors and the sweet sopranos. Every individual voice adding its own flavor, blending with the others to create something bigger than itself. It's more work to pull it all together and create that sound, but wow, is it worth it.
But this week, I got hooked. On Clash of the Choirs. Yes, it's true. As a self-proclaimed chorus nerd (hello middle and high school), I have been sucked into this show.
But this is different from other shows. There's no malice or backstabbing or rudeness. Just five groups of people coming together to sing their hearts out and try to win charity money for their city. Each group has their own style, their own personality, and it's great to watch them just have fun on stage. I can feel the energy through the screen; I can't even imagine what it's like live! (For the record, my favorite group is Team Lachey - "Flight of the Bumblebee" knocked me out of my chair.)
And I admit that I've been touched by some of the personal stories that have been shared. Those who have been through tough times, who have been helped through the healing process through music. They've cried...and I confess that I've teared up with them on a few occasions. I just teared up again during Team Rowland's "Survivor."
Singing in a choir like that is a unique experience that nothing else can touch. A group of people working together, practicing together, committed to one thing: singing their best. There's something powerful and moving about voices joining together and creating a sound that no one person can create alone. In choir, we strove to blend, listening to everyone else and matching to where you couldn't distinguish an individual voice. And when you have that moment, when there's nothing else but you and the music and you can feel the rest of the group without even looking...wow. Not much comes close to that feeling.
We live in a world of too many soloists. Individuals trying to promote themselves, push above others, have their single voice be heard, no matter what the cost to others. It's in politics, business, church, essentially every aspect of life. And while soloists can add something special, we've taken it too far. Bring back the choirs. The rich altos with the deep basses, the strong tenors and the sweet sopranos. Every individual voice adding its own flavor, blending with the others to create something bigger than itself. It's more work to pull it all together and create that sound, but wow, is it worth it.
19 December 2007
The Refugees
I really should update this, but it's my first Advent on staff at a church and I am exhausted! So in lieu of an original entry, here is a poem by one of my favorite writers for readings and liturgies...I felt it was appropriate...
The Refugees by Ann Weems
Into the wild and painful cold of the starless winter night
came the refugees,
slowly making their way to the border.
The Refugees by Ann Weems
Into the wild and painful cold of the starless winter night
came the refugees,
slowly making their way to the border.
The man, stooped from age or anxiety,
hurried his small family through the wind.
Bearded and dark, his skin rough and cracked from the cold,
his frame looming large in spite of the slumped shoulders.
He looked like a man who could take care of whatever
came at them. . .
from the dark.
Unless of course there were too many of them,
One man he could handle, two, even. . . .but a border patrol, . . .
they wouldn’t have a chance.
His eyes, black and alert,
darted from side to side, then over his shoulder,
then back again forward.
Had they been seen?
Had they been heard?
Every rustle of the wind, every sigh from the child,
sent terror though his chest.
Was this the way?
Even the stars had been unkind—
had hidden themselves in the ink of night
so that the man could not read their way,
Only the wind. . . . was it enough?
Only the wind and his innate sense of direction. . .
What kind of cruel judgement that would be,
to wander in circles through the night?
Or to safely make their way to the border,
only to find the authorities waiting for them?
He glanced at the young woman, his bride.
No more than a child herself,
she nuzzled the newborn, kissing his neck.
she looked up caught his eye and smiled.
Oh how the homelessness had taken its toll on her!
Her eyes were red, Her young face was lined,
her lovely hair matted from inattention.
her clothes stained from milk and baby,
her hands chapped from the raw wind of winter.
She’d hardly had time to recover from childbirth
when word had come that they were hunted,
and they fled with only a little bread,
and the remaining wine,
and a very small portion of cheese.
Suddenly, the child began to make small noises,
the man drew his bread in sharply:
the woman quietly put the child to breast.
Fear . . . .long dread-filled moments . . . .
Huddled the family stood still in the long silence.
At last the man breathed deeply again,
reassured they had not been heard.
and into the night continued
Mary, Joseph and the Babe.
13 December 2007
an odd way to celebrate
In celebration of completing our first semester at seminary, a few of us rented Jesus Camp to watch. We'd all heard about it and felt the need to watch it for ourselves. For those who don't know, Jesus Camp is a documentary focusing on an Evangelical camp for children that trains them to be "soldiers for Christ." Praying in tongues, uncontrollable sobbing...it's all there. And it scared me.
These kids are being indoctrinated. They're spitting out phrases that they don't even understand, just repeating them because someone told them to. They're being told to support certain movements and certain political leaders (yes, they prayed over a cardboard cutout of Bush). It's fundamentalism at its worst. I saw pieces of my conservative background in it, but my younger years were never that extreme. And it scared me to see that groups like that are out there pushing their beliefs onto the next generation.
It made me realize how much of a responsibility I hold in my own position working with kids. I sat through the entire movie thinking, "I don't want to be like that children's minister." And theologically, I know I will never be. But at the same time, I don't want to force my "moderate/liberal" beliefs on them. Indoctrination is wrong, no matter which side it comes from. I want to teach my kids (the ones I work with) to examine things for themselves, to make their own decisions about what they want to believe. I don't want to hand them a message tied up with a nice little bow. I want them to think. And yes, they're kids, so they're thinking only goes so deep. But you'd be surprised about what kids come up with when they have the freedom to think for themselves and work things out. My summer at PASSPORT, I felt like the programs did a good job of empowering the kids to think, and I want to incorporate more of that into what we do within our children's ministry.
I'm just not sure what the appropriate balance is for that openness. And we have to deal with short attention spans...and wide age ranges...and various maturity levels...and a lack of good resources...
Definitely something for me to ponder as I continue in this ministry position...
These kids are being indoctrinated. They're spitting out phrases that they don't even understand, just repeating them because someone told them to. They're being told to support certain movements and certain political leaders (yes, they prayed over a cardboard cutout of Bush). It's fundamentalism at its worst. I saw pieces of my conservative background in it, but my younger years were never that extreme. And it scared me to see that groups like that are out there pushing their beliefs onto the next generation.
It made me realize how much of a responsibility I hold in my own position working with kids. I sat through the entire movie thinking, "I don't want to be like that children's minister." And theologically, I know I will never be. But at the same time, I don't want to force my "moderate/liberal" beliefs on them. Indoctrination is wrong, no matter which side it comes from. I want to teach my kids (the ones I work with) to examine things for themselves, to make their own decisions about what they want to believe. I don't want to hand them a message tied up with a nice little bow. I want them to think. And yes, they're kids, so they're thinking only goes so deep. But you'd be surprised about what kids come up with when they have the freedom to think for themselves and work things out. My summer at PASSPORT, I felt like the programs did a good job of empowering the kids to think, and I want to incorporate more of that into what we do within our children's ministry.
I'm just not sure what the appropriate balance is for that openness. And we have to deal with short attention spans...and wide age ranges...and various maturity levels...and a lack of good resources...
Definitely something for me to ponder as I continue in this ministry position...
10 December 2007
college scandal
Well, my alma mater (University of Mary Washington) is in the news once again. This past spring, about a month before my graduation, our president of 9 months, Dr. Frawley, was arrested for two DUIs. Details of the event were kept a secret, and the entire campus was left in the dark. A week later, the tragic events at Virginia Tech unfolded, and everything else became unimportant. At the beginning of May, we received an email that he had been terminated. No other information was provided. There was no mention of him at my graduation; in fact, my diploma was signed by the acting president. It was as though he never existed.
Last week in the Washington Post, Dr. Frawley decided to come public with his side of the story. It was interesting to hear what really happened, though my reaction to the letter as a whole is divided. On the one hand, it is encouraging to have this man honestly share his struggles with depression, overworking, and alcohol. And I truly have a lot of sympathy for this man and wish the best for him as he still works to become healthier and break out of his destructive cycles. I really liked him as a person and as a president; his presence on campus and outgoing nature was a very big change from our previous president, who rarely mingled with students. He cared about the students and about the institution. Now, it will be extremely difficult for Dr. Frawley to find a job that even compares to his previous one; in essence, his career has been destroyed.
But at the same time, parts of the letter rubbed me the wrong way. Perhaps it was the parallel he drew between himself and Lindsay Lohan. (What?!?!) Or maybe it was his demand for privacy that went hand in hand with his declaration to write a book about the ordeal. And I don't know how the administration treated him (I'm sure there was some unfairness), but the position of college president is one that requires integrity and personal responsibility. I'm all about extending grace to someone, but in his position it was best for him to leave the school. Perhaps those circumstances were poorly handled; I don't know. The events of this spring have helped to instill some skepticism in me when it comes to administrations and institutions. But is a book appropriate in this situation? I don't know. But I do wish that once, just once, Mary Washington would be recognized for the excellent undergraduate education that it's top-class faculty offers, not the scandals that are within the administration.
Last week in the Washington Post, Dr. Frawley decided to come public with his side of the story. It was interesting to hear what really happened, though my reaction to the letter as a whole is divided. On the one hand, it is encouraging to have this man honestly share his struggles with depression, overworking, and alcohol. And I truly have a lot of sympathy for this man and wish the best for him as he still works to become healthier and break out of his destructive cycles. I really liked him as a person and as a president; his presence on campus and outgoing nature was a very big change from our previous president, who rarely mingled with students. He cared about the students and about the institution. Now, it will be extremely difficult for Dr. Frawley to find a job that even compares to his previous one; in essence, his career has been destroyed.
But at the same time, parts of the letter rubbed me the wrong way. Perhaps it was the parallel he drew between himself and Lindsay Lohan. (What?!?!) Or maybe it was his demand for privacy that went hand in hand with his declaration to write a book about the ordeal. And I don't know how the administration treated him (I'm sure there was some unfairness), but the position of college president is one that requires integrity and personal responsibility. I'm all about extending grace to someone, but in his position it was best for him to leave the school. Perhaps those circumstances were poorly handled; I don't know. The events of this spring have helped to instill some skepticism in me when it comes to administrations and institutions. But is a book appropriate in this situation? I don't know. But I do wish that once, just once, Mary Washington would be recognized for the excellent undergraduate education that it's top-class faculty offers, not the scandals that are within the administration.
05 December 2007
conversations and chapel
Yesterday, I was sitting in the lounge with a few friends, waiting to go to chapel. A few minutes before we were going to leave, a fellow classmate came in and started a conversation with us. She's a bit more conservative than we are, but she was open and willing to discuss that with us. The conversation turned towards homosexuality, and we were all able to openly and honestly express our views (or current formation of views) within that group. It was a great conversation, and while there was no agreement among us as a whole, there was respect for the opinions of others. Clearly, we didn't go to chapel.
As the conversation turned towards lighter things, a group of students came in from chapel with decorations. I could see the look in their eyes when they realized we had been there during chapel time. We asked where the things came from, and one replied, "Well, if you had been in chapel..." Honestly, I didn't appreciate the attempt at a guilt trip, and we all said that we were caught up in a great conversation. I don't want to undermine chapel, but community can be built from more than that, and to try and make people feel bad about not going isn't right. People have their own reasons for going or not going, and it's not for anyone to judge. I'm sure chapel yesterday was a great experience, but for my friends and I, we made the right choice in continuing that conversation, helping build a relationship and opening doors for more. I was encouraged by our classmate's willingness to listen to our (more moderate/liberal) views, and her honesty about how she's been challenged here in her way of thinking. I hope more conversations are in our future!
As the conversation turned towards lighter things, a group of students came in from chapel with decorations. I could see the look in their eyes when they realized we had been there during chapel time. We asked where the things came from, and one replied, "Well, if you had been in chapel..." Honestly, I didn't appreciate the attempt at a guilt trip, and we all said that we were caught up in a great conversation. I don't want to undermine chapel, but community can be built from more than that, and to try and make people feel bad about not going isn't right. People have their own reasons for going or not going, and it's not for anyone to judge. I'm sure chapel yesterday was a great experience, but for my friends and I, we made the right choice in continuing that conversation, helping build a relationship and opening doors for more. I was encouraged by our classmate's willingness to listen to our (more moderate/liberal) views, and her honesty about how she's been challenged here in her way of thinking. I hope more conversations are in our future!
03 December 2007
Food for thought...
Posed by my friend in a recent email:
What do you think Jesus' DNA looked like? Did it have part of Mary's in it? Joseph's? Was it totally unique?
Kinda makes you think about the virgin birth...and what it means to be human and divine...
In the big picture, it's a matter that doesn't really have a lot of significance for my personal faith, though it does seem to echo the homousia/homoiusia debates of the Ecumenical councils. But it's a fun thought to play with. Thoughts, anyone?
What do you think Jesus' DNA looked like? Did it have part of Mary's in it? Joseph's? Was it totally unique?
Kinda makes you think about the virgin birth...and what it means to be human and divine...
In the big picture, it's a matter that doesn't really have a lot of significance for my personal faith, though it does seem to echo the homousia/homoiusia debates of the Ecumenical councils. But it's a fun thought to play with. Thoughts, anyone?
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