29 February 2008

don't fix me

Why do people (especially in the Christian community) find the need to "fix your problems" when you share something that you're struggling with?

Last time I checked, ministry wasn't about "fixing" people. (As my old therapist used to say...You fix dogs and cats, not people. When you fix people, you essentially neuter them and make them incapable of growing on their own.) Most of the time, people don't want a quick solution. They just want someone to hear them, to acknowledge their presence and their struggle, maybe even voice some similar struggle to know that they're not alone. But in several groups in my past...and now seminary...I've found myself in situations where it's just better to keep my mouth shut than really share what's going on because I don't want to be bombarded with quick fixes.

Case in point: I mentioned in my spirituality class that I'm struggling with some of what we're learning about because I'm in the process of questioning and reworking my personal theology and haven't figured out where everything fits yet. (Yes, I realize this is a process that I will never fully finish!) I'm okay with this process; it's a little disconcerting at times not to fully know where I stand, but I believe in a God who is bigger than my questions and that gives me hope. The class seemed suddenly concerned, and I felt like for the rest of the period people were giving me advice, or mentioning things directly at me. Even the professor kept talking about things and would stop periodically and say, "Did you connect with that, Erin?"

Thanks for making me feel like a freak because I'm questioning things. I thought seminary was a safe place to do that...I've learned now to keep my mouth shut...

1 comment:

Joe said...

it is a safe place but only in certain groups. some folks think they have all the answers when in reality they don't even know the questions.

i am with you there, so just know our group won't try and fix you.