Christmas reflections

Christmas was good this year, albeit a little different. Now that I don't live with my parents, I had to pack up my stuff and go see them (the first time ever I've traveled somewhere else to celebrate on Christmas day). And I think we all had fun together.

But at the same time, it was a struggle for me. I've been back in the States since August, but I'm still finding out ways that my perspective has changed. And I've realized I'm not really into Christmas gifts. Some people love to shop for them, will look high and low and search for that perfect thing. Not me. I'll still buy presents for a few people, but I don't like to contribute to the cycle of "more more more." Yup, I can't stand the consumerism that has taken over Christmas. And my Christmas list? A few things that I wanted, but nothing huge. Gifts just aren't how I show love, or how I expect love. And I'm really not into wrapping gifts...I'm going to look for more environmentally-friendly ways to do that next year.

I sound like a hippie. I should look at it more as expressions of love...but right now, that's tough to comprehend.

It's hard when I realize that I have so much stuff, in comparison to most of the world. Yet here, I'm a "starving seminary student." I have what I need, more than I need. And that's enough. But at the same time...I want more stuff. Not big things, but maybe a new sweater or two, or a new pair of shoes. Then I feel guilty about wanting the new stuff, but it's not enough to take the wanting away, leaving me still feeling guilty. Living among poverty for two months can cause a complex.

And tomorrow I will be headed to El Salvador for one week. Who knows what that will do to my perspective...it's good changes, but it's a struggle to translate it into the world that I live in with its set expectations...

Turkey and chainsaws?

I am currently vegging out and recovering after the family Thanksgiving get-together...nope, not from overeating! My family does things a bit differently; instead of getting dressed up and sitting nicely around the table, we throw on our grubby clothes and go do home repair projects at a family member's house, working up an appetite for that big dinner. This year, we were at my cousin's house, where we cleared brush, split logs, and did some painting. It's a pretty cool tradition, actually, helping each other and doing hard work together; guess it's that Southern/agricultural background. The family has it's share of issues, but they're not afraid of manual labor and are always there to lend a helping hand, and I'm proud of that.

But what made today even better...I got to drive the four-wheeler around, transporting brush and logs and loving every minute of it. Yup, city girl's got a little bit of country in her, even if she has difficulty going in reverse with the trailer attached. I tried not to grin too much while I drove it around, but I loved it. It may be a gas-guzzling, environment destroying machine, but it's so much fun to drive! My mom took pictures, and I'm hoping they turn out good...I don't get to do that often!

I will definitely sleep soundly tonight...hopefully I won't be too sore tomorrow to take advantage of free day at the Y :o)

Happy Thanksgiving to all; hope your day was just as enjoyable!

I found out today that my second cousin died. He was 32. Dropped dead, and they don't know why. Hopefully the autopsy will give them some clues.

I didn't know him that well, but he's family. So there was a connection there on some level. And he left behind a wife and stepson. I want to feel sad...and I do a little...but I've processed so much over the past few weeks that I can barely process anymore.

It's one of those things that reminds you how fragile life really is. How quickly it can all end. And that scares me sometimes, to think that I'm not invincible. I mean, I know I'm not, but I like to think that I've got at least 60 years ahead of me. It's probably selfish of me, but it's true. There are so many things I want to do, to experience...

RIP Brent.