Christmas reflections

Christmas was good this year, albeit a little different. Now that I don't live with my parents, I had to pack up my stuff and go see them (the first time ever I've traveled somewhere else to celebrate on Christmas day). And I think we all had fun together.

But at the same time, it was a struggle for me. I've been back in the States since August, but I'm still finding out ways that my perspective has changed. And I've realized I'm not really into Christmas gifts. Some people love to shop for them, will look high and low and search for that perfect thing. Not me. I'll still buy presents for a few people, but I don't like to contribute to the cycle of "more more more." Yup, I can't stand the consumerism that has taken over Christmas. And my Christmas list? A few things that I wanted, but nothing huge. Gifts just aren't how I show love, or how I expect love. And I'm really not into wrapping gifts...I'm going to look for more environmentally-friendly ways to do that next year.

I sound like a hippie. I should look at it more as expressions of love...but right now, that's tough to comprehend.

It's hard when I realize that I have so much stuff, in comparison to most of the world. Yet here, I'm a "starving seminary student." I have what I need, more than I need. And that's enough. But at the same time...I want more stuff. Not big things, but maybe a new sweater or two, or a new pair of shoes. Then I feel guilty about wanting the new stuff, but it's not enough to take the wanting away, leaving me still feeling guilty. Living among poverty for two months can cause a complex.

And tomorrow I will be headed to El Salvador for one week. Who knows what that will do to my perspective...it's good changes, but it's a struggle to translate it into the world that I live in with its set expectations...