I feel the need to start up another blog, a different blog. I needed something new, something beyond LiveJournal. So, here I am.

Tonight I had two very opposite experiences. First, I was attacked by a child with special needs. It wasn't just to be mean; he needed to express something but couldn't find the language to do it with. So, he scratched me. Hard. And it really hurt. And it gave me a flashback to my first couple of days in South Africa, when the kids were hitting and biting and pinching me. What made this situation worse was the fact that I grabbed his wrist to stop him, not knowing that it was bruised and swollen. He dissolved into tears, and I felt awful, even though it wasn't my fault and did not intentionally hurt him. I was in shock, and it almost made me cry. Part of that is this emotional instability I have right now from reverse culture shock, but it's hurtful when you're doing your best to love and serve a child and they react with violence.

Then going out to the car tonight, I took off my flip flops so I wouldn't slip in the rain. And there was something comforting in the warm water on the pavement beneath my feet. Part of me wanted to take down my umbrella and just let the drops fall all over me, wash me away. I watched the mist rise up as the cool drops hit the warm pavement, and I was filled with a sense of wonder and awe. An awareness of God in some way that I can't fully express.

"If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast."
(Ps. 139:9-10)

This has become my personal promise, my life verse, my security.